Friday, February 5, 2010
Grandma Clementine
Young hands to old hands like the skin of a clementine peel--then peeling and then drying and then cracked. I've been crumbling dried clementine peels and smelling my fingers for the catches of dying scent. Her hand moving, patting my palm and plucking at my fingers. It was only then I realized the difference between touching and being touched. I left one peel by her side. I broke it evenly into dried pieces that smelled like candy and left them there. I know I cannot save them.
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The delicacy and attention you turn on the peels is wonderful - very moving and very subtle. This subtlety is sorta lost in the last line though - I felt like you were quietly preparing me for Something, but then when I read the last line I thought, "Oh... should've seen that coming..." I think a trope of showing age through the decay of the peels is strong enough that the 'save' word can be left aside. And really, the line about touching and being touched is so much more remarkable.
ReplyDeleteThe beginning is a bit vague - could be read as 'young hands turning into old hands' or 'young hands touching old hands' - but maybe that's a positive vagueness. Probably can't tell until this is lengthened or you find the longer frame of what you want to say.
by the way, we are halfway through february and this is the ONLY POST?!?! I mean, it's a dang good one and worth a month itself, but seriously, WHERE IS EVERYONE.
ReplyDeleteI'm a Tim naysayer today: Poop on subtlety - that last line is wonderfully heartbreaking. If anything, it was the touching and being touched line that sort of made me feel too "aware" of the poem for a moment.
ReplyDeleteI think if the overt subject matter (the clementine peels) was spoken of in terms of 'preservation' or something like that earlier, then 'save' wouldn't feel to me so heavy handed, but as it is, the line leaves the metaphor behind a bit. The touching line, though, works reflexively with the peels and with the grandmother as the piece is dealing more with the theme of touching.
ReplyDeleteI think the line Could be heartbreaking, but I think you have to earn it first and create the heart in order to break it. Right now, I don't see enough in the piece to allow for the line to truly take on a reflexive and emotional significance.