I had a hard time with the first line, maybe because it uses "here" and the next stanza doesn't, and also because I don't think of us entering the world as empty, at least not as only bones. So it took me a minute to figure out what you were getting at. The sentiment at the close is stunning, but I wonder about the argument that gets you there.
I really like this. My only suggestion is to get rid of "barren" in the third stanza. I think "bones to bones" describes (and is) the symmetry perfectly.
Let's just go ahead and say it: We Are Not AVerse is an online poetry collective. Now that the pretentious part is over, here's the meat.
We are a handful of young writers - some poets, some prosers - who had the good fortune of convening in one city and sharing each other's company for a few glorious years. We are now dispersed, but hope to use this blog (collective!) to share our work with one another and maintain some part of that communal spirit (of collective responsibility to supporting each other as artists).
Each respective work, obviously, is the property of its writer. So read and enjoy, but be kind and ask if you'd like to use anything you read.
Lastly, if you are visiting, please feel free to comment and participate in our discussions on art, life, fast food, and anything else. Try to keep it constructive, but really: we want your feedback!
Questions, comments, or feedback that doesn't belong on the public web? That's ok! Contact Dinah Finkelstein or Tim DeMay, we are very nice.
I had a hard time with the first line, maybe because it uses "here" and the next stanza doesn't, and also because I don't think of us entering the world as empty, at least not as only bones. So it took me a minute to figure out what you were getting at. The sentiment at the close is stunning, but I wonder about the argument that gets you there.
ReplyDeleteI really like this. My only suggestion is to get rid of "barren" in the third stanza. I think "bones to bones" describes (and is) the symmetry perfectly.
ReplyDelete