I had a hard time with the first line, maybe because it uses "here" and the next stanza doesn't, and also because I don't think of us entering the world as empty, at least not as only bones. So it took me a minute to figure out what you were getting at. The sentiment at the close is stunning, but I wonder about the argument that gets you there.
I really like this. My only suggestion is to get rid of "barren" in the third stanza. I think "bones to bones" describes (and is) the symmetry perfectly.
I had a hard time with the first line, maybe because it uses "here" and the next stanza doesn't, and also because I don't think of us entering the world as empty, at least not as only bones. So it took me a minute to figure out what you were getting at. The sentiment at the close is stunning, but I wonder about the argument that gets you there.
ReplyDeleteI really like this. My only suggestion is to get rid of "barren" in the third stanza. I think "bones to bones" describes (and is) the symmetry perfectly.
ReplyDelete