My Girlfriend

"My girlfriend is allergic to tomatoes,

so please, leave them off that second order."

Of course, I hate tomatoes and,

while I'm not allergic,

I don't want to eat them,

so I'll pick them off the other

dish when I get home.

See, my girlfriend's the jealous type,

she conveniently steps in whenever I'm

hit on at a party.

That's actually how we started dating.

A girl was coming on too strong

and suddenly

there was my new girlfriend,

signaling,

back off.

Recently, though, she's gotten very good

at keeping others at bay.

She's very subtle.

I keep eating the extra

meals I order for her.

And each time I see my gut

growing

in the mirror

I worry,

just maybe,

she's starting to exist.