Hi there you sexy devil you.
You're a fox. A cat. A saucy
cat, a cougar perhaps? Ah,
not yet. You'll have to wait
for that. You are what you
are. You is what you are.
You are what you is you
feathered minx. You're a
walk-about wanderer
looking for some love. Who
wouldn't want a taste of
those bovine lips? A drink
of those flamenco eyes? A
sniff of that elken musk, a
view of those molars?
Botticelli would be oh so
very proud of you. Shakespeare,
Dante, and Donne, Beckett,
Klimt, and Van Gogh, Woolf
and O'Keefe, Calvino and Dali
and perhaps your mother and father too.
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Here's my read, take it or leave it:
ReplyDeletethe self-doubt that creeps in for the speaker, or is perhaps there from the beginning but only starts becoming apparent for the reader around "bovine lips" and then amplifies through the rest of the poem, is very compelling. Botticelli is genius. I might think about clarifying the other artists, if this is what I think it is -- a poem about "who could love a person who looks like this" -- so that the answer becomes "only a suicidal maniac like Woolf or a crazy lesbian like O'Keefe or someone certifiably insane like Van Gogh or Dali," and watch the build of it. Because at Shakespeare, it could go either way -- I associate that time with an appreciation for a very different body, and Shakespeare for appreciating a lot of different kinds of women. But going straight to Dante... I don't know. I think there's something really cool going on and I want to follow it all the way through.
I like Dinah's take and would Love to see you progress a bit through the authors (Dante in there gives me the creeps in a great way).
ReplyDeleteThough it must have been fun to write, the beginning read a bit masturbatory to me... couldnt really see why I should enjoy it. Enjoyed it again when it picked up with "walk-about wanderer."
good stuff.
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ReplyDeleteI deleted that accidentally! I was going to write in response to Tim: You didn't find the beginning obnoxious? I was going for obnoxiousness that turns into the self-critical. If it wasn't obnoxious, I'll add even more, though I would like add a comment or two here about how women are never expected to be obnoxious and therefore it's very hard for them to ever come off that way. Even women who are better at writing than me and good comedians.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I agree about the authors, and both of your takes are both what I was going for and really encouraging, since I was expecting this to be unworthy of any sort of future revisions. (Yay!)