or so it will seem
to you.
In actuality,
I'm holding my jaw
shut
tight,
to stop myself
from doing something
regrettable.
And when I do
unclench my teeth,
my voice will quietly
waver,
because my jaw
is trembling,
trying to stay
clamped
despite my minds insistence
to do otherwise.
And if I pull it off,
you might just think
I have a cold,
and not realize that I'm
fumbling
to reinsert the pin
that you so foolishly
removed.
I love the image of a mouth as a hand grenade! The progression of perception here is great...
ReplyDeleteyou're really mastering these short lines, and I love how clear this is with then the insertion of trope right there at the end - really great.
ReplyDeleteto further clear up the language: "minds insistence" was bothersome, and "so foolishly" has got to go. the image is SO STRONG that you don't need any extra modifiers.
great.