Did he die
On impact –
Wax-covered neck snapping
On the surface of the sea,
Or did he drown gasping
In the water now named for him,
Head low,
Eyes glassy and empty,
Unable to focus?
Once the heart stops
A brain takes six minutes to die.
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Hey Karen. I really love the first 8 lines of this. The short words are extremely powerful and violent.
ReplyDeleteThe unable to focus line seems a little out of place with the tone of the lines preceding it. Also, I sort of wanted the last two lines broken off more somehow. The non sequitur there is sort of disorienting, but I sort of wanted it to be completely disorienting in jarring way.