In Memory of Adrienne Rich
In his country every
the swamp breeze is stirring
third thought
in Florida the Watch does not sleep
is of death
plastic bottles crunch against your police
issued barriers mothers wail
making your fingers itch retreat
behind your pale eyelids
hum songs of privilege to yourself
watch apart click your tongue
no place for the sweet rainbow sigils of innocence
your palms exposed to yield
are the same color as your clenched fists
yet you will never have to explain
to your child
why this sort of thing happens to us
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I had a tough time off the bat with this, just because I couldn't easily agree with the italics. IS every third thought in sleep about death? Rich's italics are easier to allow, as they have a fantasy universe attached.
ReplyDeleteAlso, "privilege" and "platitudes" completely take me away from the poetic space. I feel like the choir there.
"click your tongue" is great, and the last 5 lines are golden. I wonder if there is a way to make it seem less... judging of the 'you.' Rich's poem seems to complicate how we feel about the you ('wrap yourself in no-thought' is a comforting thing just as much as it's a willed ignorance thing), posing the evil as larger structural things. perhaps that's a generation/wave difference?
"police / issued barriers" is a great break.
I say keep the judging, but "Sweet rainbow platitudes" is a little clunky. It breaks up your focus on the you's body and actions, and I like your list of all the things the subject will do and how the list finishes with what the you will never(have to)do.
ReplyDeleteLast lines are amazing.
Good and fair criticisms. Made a couple of small edits to address the issue of an imagined space vs. a real one, and got rid of the word "platitudes." I couldn't possibly aspire to make this what Rich's poem is, but I've been struggling to find words and format to write about Trayvon Martin and this seemed as good an opportunity as any. I'm not sure I want to remove the judgement. I want to be judged.
ReplyDeleteOf course poems can be ethical and political and Real - Rich convinces of this more than anyone perhaps - and i don't mean to take it out of that space. but I find something of worth in the difference between the second-person poem and the first person last line of your comment: namely, I never thought to think of the 'you' as a stand in for the 'I.' perhaps that offers a cool opportunity, something like 'to us / except in a poem.'
Deletejust thoughts - i remain eternally uncertain how to be poetically political or political poetic, and eternally certain it's worth doing.