For Namir Noor-Eldeen
1. Took in the coughing light
of a fire shouldering from a truck
and later the light disappeared
from the shelled out remains
of a car, burnt and twisted the way
bones do not. Here are children
and in front of them two sandals,
a pool of blood, the unghosts
of what was, perhaps minutes before.
Sometimes a woman praying.
Sometimes children throwing rocks
at the aftereffects of explosions.
The sand cushions the knee when bent
for stability.
2.
Black and white, not for dramatic
effect. Grainy, people as the structures
that move. The helicopter's camera
wobbles while invisible voices
speak in another language: Crazyhorse,
Hotel, Charlie, Echo. Count
the bodies. Hollow the insurgent with
a camera. Leak the bastards into the bastard
street and leave them, unholy.
We cannot see their faces anyway.
3.
I too am twenty-three, though I do not
lie down ripped apart and drilled through
where the light can peer through the holes.
Heavy--he was a superb photographer--
ReplyDeletelove: "of a car, burnt and twisted the way / bones do not."
there is something supremely disturbing about the way metal crushes and melts, isn't there? I've never really thought about it until now, but our desire to anthropomorphize cars, and then, when we see them exploded and their alien shells on fire--I'm not sure--what I'm trying to say has been said more succinctly and better by you.
some thoughts;
"Black and white, not for dramatic / effect..." --something about the tone of the syntax irks me--like your defensive about the artistic integrity of his photographs, and I haven't protested, and I'm not sure why...might just be me.
I don't know what Crazyhorse, Hotel, Charlie, Echo means, but i assume its military / war journalistic speak?
The last section confuses me--I see the comparison, but I'm not sure what your thoughts on it are--they seem conflicted--in the previous stanza you wrote "...Hollow the insurgent with / a camera. Leak the bastards into the bastard / street and leave them, unholy..." as if documenting them isn't just taking pictures but rather stealing their souls and sucking the last breath from them. This is very interesting. And I wonder how you feel about it.
That's all--in any case, it's a really interesting poem.
thanks for the comments - this is, the more i look at it, more of a note, or a placeholder, than even a draft. my goal is to lengthen this, but still keep the 3 part movement, and have each part focus on a different 'aperture.' part 1 is the aperture of noor-eldeen's camera, part 2 is the aperture of the helicopter's camera as us forces gun noor-eldeen down, and part 3 are the apertures (the holes where light enters) of his bullet holes.
ReplyDeleteso, the task ahead is to add more biography to the poem, and create sharp distinctions especially between parts 1 and 2 where we see His photos, then we see photos of him dying. or at least, those are my thoughts right now.
your thoughts on the car imagery definitely got me thinking, and i think i will focus on pulling out a little more along those lines in the next draft.
LOVE the apertures idea - and got way more intrigued once i was made to look up who Namir was after reading this for the first time.
ReplyDeleterandom source of camera info that might be structurally useful, standard apertures go: 1.0, 1.4, 2.0, 2.8, 4.0, 5.6, 8.0, 11, 16, 22 and sharpness increases as the number gets bigger (but more light is required). the increasingly condensed stanza length as the poem goes on could be read as a poetic imitation of this - opening to 'wider' apertures (lower numbers) that have less (biographical?) detail and draw with increasingly sparse, impressionistic strokes.
there are also all sorts of other weird aperture related effects (vignetting - the location of a lenses 'sweet spot,' 'chromatic aberration' the list goes on). all this stuff that has to due with perspective/etc... strikes me as a rich structural playground.
i hadn't heard about this event when i first read the poem but was caused to after reading it. glad to hear there will be more biography; i think a line or two that establishes, even in terms of profession or archetype, who is who and where we are in this poem will give it tremendous resonance.
excited.
ian, this is exactly the kind of information I need for a poem like this. thank you so much.
ReplyDelete