which I will carry
across the city.
I have to be ready
for changes in weather,
lugging enough
to warm me into the night.
But with each article,
the bag gets bulkier.
So I have to weigh comfort
against readiness.
After months of dragging
boxes, from town to town.
I've come to realize,
that it's exhausting
to try and prepare myself
for anything.
I don't get it. Where's the food?
ReplyDeleteSeriously though, I really enjoy that last stanza, especially the last four lines... actually all the lines, because the image of dragging boxes from town to town works very well with the idea of "preparing for anything."
I'm wondering, though, if the first three stanzas are pulling their weight. Could those stanzas essentially be boiled down (cooking reference not intended) to one stanza that's equally as good as the last?
I actually like the first stanza best here. It has a normal yet incantatory tone, almost prophetic of some great trial. my personal advice would be to use That stanza to guide the rewrite - though i agree with willy that the middle two stanzas arent pulling their weight (and i'm not incredibly crazy about the last one, but I think you can use the first stanza to give the last one some more oomph).
ReplyDeleteI agree with both of the boys -- the last stanza is where you need to get to, but I think more exploration of the months of packing and carrying would get us there more effectively than reiterating the packing for one weekend trip, which I suspect is the impetus for the poem but not the point of it.
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