I didn’t see you
When you drove past this morning.
Did you see the kiss
I gave him on the sidewalk?
Whenever I see a car like yours,
I peer inside—
Though I don’t want to.
I have never seen your face
Through the windshield,
In the seat where I sat
When glass and airbag smokehaze
Hit me harder than your silences.
Oh, how fitting
That I crashed your car
A worn out metaphor for worn out
Words.
How fitting
That you fixed it.
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This is my sixth time reading this poem, and I still love the feeling in it. That's it - it's a melancholic feeling, but this poem has what many do not and that is the pure, deep peekings into the intimate thoughts of others (and now between others) that poems are meant to have.
ReplyDeleteI found the repetition of sight in the first 4 stanzas sort of distracting, like I couldnt get a grip on the Other in the poem because you and seeing were in the way.
ReplyDeletei would also suggest getting rid of 'metaphor' and probably the surrounding thought - Use the metaphor, and let us find it as such and as something worn out and all of that, but don't ruin your trope by noticing it.
i agree with Madden about the overarching tone of the poem, which comes a good deal from your stanza spacing and short, slow lines. I think your almost sacred/colloquial language helps to ('though i do not want to').