I think the first stanza does a great job of introducing us to the abstraction of the poem, preparing us for the delightful specificity of the second. My only qualm is I don't think it works as a way to fall asleep: Thinking about everything you have to do tomorrow is a surefire recipe of anxiety and insomnia. Where as lists that include sublimely do sound sleepy. Actually I don't know about "without," that sounds like something that would keep me up too.
As for the third stanza, I like it as a sentiment and an imperative and a line, but again: unless your implication is that the world is asleep, I don't get how it relates to the title.
Basically what I realize I am saying is that I like this and I think it's has great movement and is arrestingly beautiful, but I vehemently disagree with it as advice for falling asleep. Which may be your point.
I don't love the third stanza. I was so taken with the second stanza that I the third seemed like a let down. It wasn't powerful enough to follow number two and act as an ending. That is my thought on the matter.
Am I the only one who has an aversion toward the second stanza? Radish leaves, sublimely, and without are driving me nuts - how are they related? Why these things? Whywhywhy? My reaction was to think that these things were contrived; these feel like the workings of an active mind, not the patterns a mind goes into as it syncs up with the heavy breathing of sleep.
I have the same question as Dinah on the third stanza.
Let's just go ahead and say it: We Are Not AVerse is an online poetry collective. Now that the pretentious part is over, here's the meat.
We are a handful of young writers - some poets, some prosers - who had the good fortune of convening in one city and sharing each other's company for a few glorious years. We are now dispersed, but hope to use this blog (collective!) to share our work with one another and maintain some part of that communal spirit (of collective responsibility to supporting each other as artists).
Each respective work, obviously, is the property of its writer. So read and enjoy, but be kind and ask if you'd like to use anything you read.
Lastly, if you are visiting, please feel free to comment and participate in our discussions on art, life, fast food, and anything else. Try to keep it constructive, but really: we want your feedback!
Questions, comments, or feedback that doesn't belong on the public web? That's ok! Contact Dinah Finkelstein or Tim DeMay, we are very nice.
"Include: radish leaves, sublimely, and
ReplyDeleteWithout."
lovely.
the second stanza sold me on the whole thing 10x
I think the first stanza does a great job of introducing us to the abstraction of the poem, preparing us for the delightful specificity of the second. My only qualm is I don't think it works as a way to fall asleep: Thinking about everything you have to do tomorrow is a surefire recipe of anxiety and insomnia. Where as lists that include sublimely do sound sleepy. Actually I don't know about "without," that sounds like something that would keep me up too.
ReplyDeleteAs for the third stanza, I like it as a sentiment and an imperative and a line, but again: unless your implication is that the world is asleep, I don't get how it relates to the title.
Basically what I realize I am saying is that I like this and I think it's has great movement and is arrestingly beautiful, but I vehemently disagree with it as advice for falling asleep. Which may be your point.
I don't love the third stanza. I was so taken with the second stanza that I the third seemed like a let down. It wasn't powerful enough to follow number two and act as an ending. That is my thought on the matter.
ReplyDeleteAm I the only one who has an aversion toward the second stanza? Radish leaves, sublimely, and without are driving me nuts - how are they related? Why these things? Whywhywhy? My reaction was to think that these things were contrived; these feel like the workings of an active mind, not the patterns a mind goes into as it syncs up with the heavy breathing of sleep.
ReplyDeleteI have the same question as Dinah on the third stanza.
I love the first stanza.