Tell me the first:
two nobs hand tuned
to fourteen channels
antennae like late station wagons
perfect
fake wood siding
for a Saturday morning
where remotes are still remote
like island life or HBO.
Tell me the second:
wobbling cathodes
lifted from a basement
of liquidated rental tapes
the firm grip of business
dissolution wobbling
on powder-painted black steel tripod
legs
a silver box midair
at a great distance
the six button oblong brain
detachable
from the couch control
for the AA price
of batteries.
Tell me the third:
big glass black bulge
wider than my stubby arms
more buttons than the alphabet.
The end of trading up.
Each ever-bigger filter
for those signals
shielded in the plush
metallic hug of tangled cables
and cartoons and news
stretches to fill a slightly dusty world
with its powerless and distant vision.
the "tell me's" are perhaps a bit too prophetic/otherworldly for a poem ostensibly about television sets...
ReplyDeletethis is a good descriptive poem, and i think it plays well within its confines of not trying to do too much. a bit odd in the last one to read something about the Speaker (chubby arms) since that isnt really there in the others.
i love the rhythm and the writing of the first stanza, so much so...maybe just cut tv 2 and 3 out? or potential spoken word piece? i like the nostalgia (fake wood paneling!) and its quip of humor. i think the other stanzas may be trying to do too much in the space they have? i feel like you're making some kind of critique in the last two stanzas that doesn't perform better than this line: "where remotes are still remote like island life or HBO"
ReplyDeletewow--great. I know exactly what you mean by "late station wagon"--there's a visceral feel I get when I think about the wood paneling on a station wagon and now I know exactly what that tv looks like.
ReplyDeleteYour descriptions are vivid and compelling.
a few thoughts:
--not a fan of "remotes are still remote"--something in that seems a little too clever that seems out of place
--i want AA to be spelled out? whatever, not a big deal
--LOVE the difference in "on powder-painted black steel tripod
/ legs" --you're giving your reader some thinking room and its great
--hmmmm...i disagree with tim--in that i think it kind of is prophetic/otherworldly, or wants to be, except that it's missing that thread of it. I think you describe the tvs, but im missing the connection that is hinted at in the last line--something about distance with reality, the dusty world, something about that--it doesnt have to be as concrete as "AND THATS WHY IM TALKING ABOUT TVs, TAH DAH!" but i think it will work out nicely if you slip in some more personal connection moments to digest the thought.
does that many ANY sense? maybe not.
i love this poem.
it makes a lot of sense and thanks for your comments all!
ReplyDeletei'm tempted to cut it back to just the first stanza, like nina suggested...
i was trying to describe our family's TVs and at the same timeexplore the idea of 'tele-vision' literally meaning 'distant vision' so i thought something prophetic or incantatory for each first line would somehow make that clear (which it didn't) - went through a few different initial lines, starting with "TV the first" to "Tele the first" to "Tell me the first" and lost all clarity along the way. i think maybe having a line or two to set up some sort of dialogue or muse-prompting might help...