I didn't know the meaning of the word
until I was snapped into one,
or out of one and into another,
snapped into the jagged axle
out of the jumbled stupor
into my bruised shins against the dash
out of my loneliness
into my mortality
dashing out of the smoking car
into triage mode then, thank god,
out of the heart-grip of fear
into an insurance phone-tree
out of my wallet with my license
into the car of a stranger
out of my better judgment, in tears, but
into dumb luck and my borough and finally my own front door.
Out of the wreckage, safely
into the certainty of remaining a wreck for some time.
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this is really good, and i really enjoyed reading and thinking about it.
ReplyDeletethat said, two big things:
1. i reaaaaallly want you to use line more and change up how the lines begin with 'out of' or 'into.'
2. i really dislike the end. this might be killin babies time, but the double meaning of Wreck is Soooooo much more beautiful left implied in the title. written as the end line, i have the feeling of figuring out the punchline of a joke that isn't funny, instead of ruminating on the perceptive and moving lines that come before.
this might get my vote for your best yet this month, in any case.
I agree with Tim's first comment, there is something that needs to be changed in the use of out and into. The reason that I say this, is that for me, the most effective line was "out of my better judgment, in tears, but" and the reason was the internal 'in' that was within that line. It was unexpected and struck me. So I think some more variety of that kind might do the poem good.
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