She slipped out each morning
before the men could wake and stop
her, leaving deliberate bloodstains
on their sheets as she kissed their
legs and necks on her way out
with her razor thin lips,
each nick announcing neatly
that these men should scrub out
the blood of their shame
the blood of their loss
the blood of their bodies’
deficiencies, and not hers.
Rewrite of TD's "Razor Sharp," if it wasn't apparent.
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thi is intense--I felt myself wanting it to end with the first stanza--after that trio or repetition I don't think you have more to say. and incredible use of line in the first stanza bodies'/deficiencies & stop/her
ReplyDeleteyou are right. editing. nobody else will ever know there was more to this poem but you and me, E.
ReplyDeleteThis was longer when i didn't read it.
ReplyDeletecan this be one sentence? "as she kissed" maybe? i felt too much pause after that period.
so i could grasp 'shame' and 'loss' with some interpreting of the title with the poem, but i was a bit lost with deficiencies, and the sorta medical coloring of the word made me think menstruation... am i going insane?
enjoyed.
You're right too, now it's one sentence. You're not going insane, it's an intentional reversal of the idea of bloodstains on sheets, and who should feel shame and for what.
ReplyDelete